the devious journal

Hmmmm,, this is my first week in my beloved school after a long holiday. Actually I don’t think that my school is beloved.. -_-“

Yeah, I’m so bored. These things make me like an insane. Rasanya pengen banget bilang devil may care sama semuanya. Gue punya masalah sama perasaan gue, gue lagi bener-bener bingung keputusan apa yg harus gue ambil. Ngerti kan, gue lagi deket sama orang. This is not “deket” in the normal meaning. It can be more than those word. We have the same feeling, we are fall each other. Yeah, kita sama-sama tau perasaan masing-masing. Tapi ga tu kenapa waktu kita menyatakan perasaan masing-masing, sama sekali ga ada harapan-harapan buat saling memiliki. Wakt ntu gue Cuma pengen dia tau apa yg gue rasain, and either he does. Dan jujur gue lega banget abis kejadian ntu, kaya uda ga ada beban lagi. Masalah ke depannya gimana gue serahin semuanya sama Yang di Atas,just go with the flow.

Tapi ya, semakin ke sini, ternyata ga semudah yg gue pikirkan sebelumnya, not as simple as I thought. Everything’s getting more complicated and fague. This is what I hate the most, get into a damn fague situation like this. Gue beneran ga tau harus gimana. Di satu sisi gue ga tahan sama sikap dia yg sedikit egois, ga mau tau apa yg sebenernya ada di benak gue. Tapi di sisi lain gue ga mau dia pergi dari sisi gue, gue ngerasa nyaman ada deket sama dia, gue suka ngobrol sama dia. Dia selalu bisa buat gue ketawa ngakak sampe bikin gue nyaris nangis. Gue ga mau hari-hari gue sepi lagi kalo gue harus jauh dari dia. Well, memalukan emang buat ngakuin nii semua. Tapi it doesn’t an even problem for me. Gue bukan tipe orang yg punya gengsi selangit kaya kebanyakan kaum adam.

Belom lagi tentang study gue. Tau kan, issue kalo UN bakal dimajuin gara-gara ada pemilu ..? Nah, parahnya sampe sekarang semangat belajar gue masih NOL besar. Gue butuh banget motivasi. Gue butuh orang yg bisa jadi guiding star buat gue, yg selalu bias bangkitin semangat gue kalo gue beneran lagi down banget kaya ssat ini. Keadaan yg kaya gini nii yg bikin gue tambah terpuruk dalam lembah terdalam dari diri gue.

Lalu, apa yg harus gue lakuin buat bias keluar dari lembah itu..? gue tau gue ga bias lama-lama ada di lembah ntu, gue harus secepatnya bangun. Tapi ya ntu tadi, gue tau banget kalo semangat ntu ada dalam diri gue, tapi nggak tau kenapa semangat tadi kaya tidur panjang kaya Sleeping Beauty yg lagi nungguin ciuman dari cinta sejatinya..

Huff,, would somebody help me to find out how to escape these goddamn condition..?
[written on Oct 17th 2008]

This entry was posted on Sunday, October 26th, 2008 at 12:09 am Filed under greatest memory and. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.